I was texting a close friend of mine a few weeks ago. We were reminiscing on how things have changed over the years and how the challenges that life threw at us served as a catalyst for our mental and physical growth. A particular question of hers served as food for thought culminating in my writing this piece. She asked me:
After moving to Germany, how have you changed? How has this helped you become a better person?
Well, this is my account on the same. Writing this also gave me the necessary closure after completing my master's, to facilitate the shift from student life to the full-blown chaos concomitant with adult life.
I lived with my parents until I moved to Germany for my master's degree. This meant that a multitude of things were taken care of by them. Although convenient, also made me highly dependent on them . It also made me oblivious to the workings of the world we live in. After moving to Germany, I was forced to do things on my own, which facilitated the development of independence. One is forced to go out of their way to learn how to cook food, clean their flat, sort out their finances - the list can go on. Though I have a lot of scope for improvement, living in Germany has given me the confidence to fend for myself.
Living in Germany exposed me to people from a diverse background. This made me more open-minded and accepting of the cultures that called Ilmenau their home away from home. Living in the student dormitories and working on projects went swimmingly as I got along well with my flatmates and peers at the university.
Moving to Germany gave me the freedom of choice. I could choose what to do with my time. This was a pivotal point, as one could easily go on and ruin their life by indulging in a plethora of drugs and alcohol. I found the world of self-improvement while doom-scrolling on YouTube one chilly evening in my WG (short for Wohngemeinschaft in German, which refers to a shared flat). The person in the video spoke about how meditation changed their life by aiding them to live in the moment (or be present) - a foreign concept for me. So, I decided to jump down the rabbit hole.
I understood the benefits of meditation and expressing gratitude routinely (more on that here and here!). I was also fed up with not being physically fit in a conventional sense, so I started working out. I researched about CICO (short for Calorie In, Calorie Out), sustainable dieting, and macros. I also understood the fundamentals of building muscle and how it helps one in practically every aspect of life. While working out, I noticed that my mood was elevated and clothes fit me better. I also had the urge to take on challenges and be more disciplined. Life truly changed for the better when I made the decision to stop being a gadabout and jump headfirst into the throes of adult life. Self-improvement also aided me in figuring out my likes and dislikes, which was paramount in my understanding of how personal boundaries work. I learned to be in touch with myself, to understand the flaws I have, and to accept them and correct them when possible. I became a better person over time.
Over the last year during my master's thesis, I understood the value of deep relationships and how the right people can actually lift you up to be stronger than you ever were. As one can imagine, the master's thesis acts as the Goliath to one’s David in the pursuit of completing the master's degree. It marks the culmination of semesters worth of effort and the application of the skills learned over the course of completing projects in various disciplines. Doing the master's thesis at one of the best research centers in Germany did not make the task any easier. It upped the ante by a multitude of notches, which made me burn out midway through the tenure of 6 months.
Furthermore, the standard expected from institutions of this caliber was like nothing I had experienced prior. Coupled with the high expectations I have of myself, I spent countless nights laced with a handful of hours of sleep, as I powered through the writing phase of the thesis. Throughout this, my close circle of friends and family stood by my side, supporting me through thick and thin. This further impressed the importance of having a social life in addition to satisfying work.
On the flip side, I also understood how indulging in the wrong people can have deleterious effects and shave off months, if not years, of the limited time one has on this planet. These people are leeches who drain you of your mental and emotional reserves. The solution to this is not to resort to introvertism and cut off all social ties, as I am guilty of. That only makes matters worse in the long run. A pragmatic way to deal with this is to discover your likes, dislikes, and values and establish boundaries based on them. This makes it easier to detect when someone shares no similarities and consequently makes a decision based on that. This is by no means a panacea for handling social relationships. People are by design different from each other, so there cannot be a one-fits-all formula into which one could plug in variables to determine the best possible outcome.
After living in Germany for almost four years, a weird realization hit me recently. I don’t feel as deeply connected to German culture as I would like to be (which I understand requires an extended stay). Conversely, I don’t feel as deeply connected to my own homeland either. I constantly vacillate between these two poles, which places me in a sort of quandary where I feel like I don’t belong in either place, but I also somewhat do. I’m curious to know how many of you reading this have experienced something similar. I currently have no tangible solution to this other than to wait it out and let time provide the answers for me.
By far the most influential change that occurred was looking at the experience of living abroad objectively. Back when I lived in India, moving abroad seemed like a dream. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Living alone in a foreign country is challenging. One has to juggle bureaucracy, social life, professional life, finances, and health. All of the hardships are conveniently concealed under the veil of Instagram stories. It is hard to find respite from the day-to-day trials and tribulations of living in a foreign country but in the words of the great Friedrich Nietzsche,
Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker
(what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger)
Moving to Germany has been one of the best decisions I have ever taken and I have no regrets whatsoever. It has been a journey filled with bouts of tears, laughter, sorrow, and anger as I waded through the throes of daily life. At the end of the day, I am proud of the person I have been molded into and I wouldn’t want to have this any other way. I hope this account helps someone who is on the edge of the crag decide if taking the plunge is worth it.